Men's Mental Health & Abuse

Is abuse in men a real thing?  Yes, it is.

Men experience abuse too. Its just not widley talked about.   

If you’re a man in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Domestic violence against men happens far more often than you might expect. It happens to men from all cultures and all walks of life, regardless of age or occupation. Men are often reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, fear they won’t be believed, or are scared that their partner will take revenge. 

Abuse of men by their partners happens when the partner uses emotional, physical, sexual or intimidation tactics. 

Mental health assistance for men includes immediate, 24/7 crisis support via the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call/text 988). 

Key resources include SAMHSA’s National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP), VA services for veterans (call 988, press 1).  

• https://mantherapy.org I  The Manliest Tool for  Men's Mental Health

• https://headsupguys.org  I  Leading Men's Mental Health Rsource.  For Men.  About Men.  By Men.

Confidential online tools and therapy can be found through FindTreatment.gov.  

Immediate Crisis Support

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free, 24/7, confidential support for emotional distress or suicidal thoughts.

What are the red flags of emotional abuse?

Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family. Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection. Your partner doesn't want you hanging out with someone of another gender. Your partner makes threats to hurt you or others to get what they want.

What are the 5 signs of emotional abuse of a male?

Recognizing Emotional Abuse

• Verbally humiliates you.

• Demands all your attention.

• Controls your time or who you see.

• Blames you for everything that goes wrong.

• Threatens to harm you, your children or family, or your pets.

Know the signs of domestic violence

You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down.

• Often acts jealous or possessive.

• Tries to control how you spend money or your access to money.

• Tracks where you go, what you do online or who you talk to on the phone.

• Prevents you from going to work or school.

• Stops you from seeing family members or friends.

• Threatens to keep you from seeing your children.

• Gets angry or abusive when drinking alcohol or using drugs.

• Tries to control whether you can see a healthcare professional.

• Threatens you, your children or your pets with violence or a weapon.

• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets.

• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will.

• Blames you for problems in the relationship or violent behavior, or tells you that you deserve it.

Understand the cycle

An abusive pattern may include the following:

• An abuser threatens violence.

• An abuser harms a partner. The harm may be emotional, sexual or physical.

• An abuser apologizes and promises to change. Gifts or favors may be part of the apology.

• Tension builds in the relationship, and the cycle repeats itself.

• Over time, the violence may get worse and happen more often.

Although this is a common way for domestic violence to happen, your situation may be different.

Learn how abuse affects children

Domestic violence has an impact on children. That's true even if no one physically harms them. Domestic violence in their home makes children more likely to have emotional, social and developmental problems. They also are at a higher risk of mental health conditions, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem.

Some people worry that seeking help could make the danger for their children worse. Or that it might break up the family. Some parents worry that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. But getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

The Most Common Type of Abuse for Men:   Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse, which is one of the most common forms of domestic violence experienced by men, usually targets a man's masculinity. Men are usually accused of not being “manly” enough, not making enough money, being weak, or crying when abused. 

Five key signs of psychological abuse include controlling behaviors (isolation, monitoring), constant criticism (name-calling, degrading comments), gaslighting (making you doubt your reality), threats and intimidation, and dismissing your feelings (calling you "too sensitive"). These tactics erode self-worth, create dependency, and make you feel confused, anxious, or like you're walking on eggshells.  

1. Control & Isolation: The abuser tries to control your actions, finances, or communications (texts, social media) and isolates you from friends, family, or activities to increase their power and dependency.

2. Verbal Attacks & Devaluation: This involves name-calling, yelling, bullying, ridiculing, or making fun of your achievements, dreams, or appearance to lower your self-esteem
   .

3. Gaslighting & Manipulation: The abuser denies things you know are true, makes you doubt your memory or sanity ("You're crazy"), uses guilt trips, or withdraws affection as punishment.

4. Threats & Intimidation: Threatening to harm you, themselves, or your loved ones, or using intimidating behaviors to frighten you into compliance.

5. Dismissing Feelings: Telling you that you're "too sensitive," that your emotions aren't valid, or minimizing your concerns, leaving you feeling unheard and insignificant. 

What are the 7 types of emotional abuse?

It may include verbal abuse, gaslighting, coercive or controlling behaviour, threats, humiliation, isolation, surveillance or economic/financial control. At its core, emotional abuse is about power and control in a relationship.

What phrases do narcissists use in a relationship? 

Narcissists in relationships often use manipulative phrases that gaslight, blame, and isolate, such as "You're too sensitive," "I'm the only one who understands you," "If you loved me, you'd do this," or blaming you for their feelings, like "My feelings are your fault," while also downplaying abuse with "I didn't mean it like that" or minimizing your concerns, all to maintain control and make you feel indebted and dependent.  

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse and Tactics Behind the Words

Signs of narcissistic abuse include love-bombing followed by devaluation, constant criticism, gaslighting, blame-shifting, isolation, emotional manipulation (like guilt-tripping), withholding affection, and controlling behavior, leaving victims feeling confused, guilty, and with eroded self-esteem, as the abuser uses charm and tactics to maintain power.  

• Love-Bombing & Devaluation: Intense affection early on, then constant criticism and belittling to chip away at your self-worth.

• Gaslighting: Making you doubt your own perception, memory, or sanity by twisting reality.

• Blame-Shifting: Never taking responsibility, always blaming you or others for their mistakes

• Isolation: Cutting you off from friends, family, and your support system.

• Invalidation: Dismissing your feelings, experiences, and accomplishments.

• Withholding: Using the silent treatment, affection, or communication as punishment.

• Emotional Blackmail: Using guilt, fear, or threats to control you.

• Projection: Attributing their own unacceptable traits or behaviors to you.

• Sabotage: Undermining your career, relationships, or goals.

• Control & Entitlement: A sense of superiority and entitlement, controlling your life and decisions. 

What It Feels Like for the Victim

• Constantly walking on eggshells.

• Feeling confused, guilty, or like you can't do anything right.

• Eroded self-esteem and self-worth.

• Feeling isolated and alone.

• Your reality being questioned. 

RESOURCES FOR HELP

National Domestic Violence Hotline ~ 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788

Finding Care and Resources

• https://mantherapy.org I  The Manliest Tool for  Men's Mental Health

• https://headsupguys.org  I  Leading Men's Mental Health Rsource.  For Men.  About Men.  By Men.

• Primary Care Provider: A recommended first step to get referrals for therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists.

• SAMHSA Treatment Locator: A confidential, online tool to find treatment facilities for mental and substance use disorders.

• NAMI HelpLine: Offers information on mental health resources (not a crisis line).

• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): Provides a "Find Your Therapist" directory, peer-to-peer support, and resources specific to men. 

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/domestic-violence-against-men

https://socialwork.gmu.edu/resources-male-victims-domestic-violence

United States

National:

• 2-1-1 hotline

• American Bar Association: Washington, DC

• National Coalition for Men

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

• National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 866–331–9474, 866–331–8453

• Office for Victims of Crime Hotline: 202–307–5983

• Safe Helpline: 877-995-5247

• Samaritans Hotline

• SAMHSA

• The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)

• US Department of Health and Human Services

• US Veterans Administration

Online Resources

• Better Help: https://www.betterhelp.com

• Brothers United Against Domestic Violence: https://www.facebook.com/azbuadv/

• Dads 4 Life: https://www.dads4life.com

• Domestic Violence Against Men: https://www.facebook.com/DomesticViolenceAgainstMen/

• Domestic Violence Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/

• Father’s Rights Movement: https://www.facebook.com/thefathersrightsmovement

• Fathers for Justice Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/f4jusa/

• Fathers Matter: https://www.facebook.com/groups/107111523159657/?_rdr

• Flying Monkeys Denied: https://flyingmonkeysdenied.com

• Futures Without Violence: https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org

• Gender Spectrum: https://genderspectrum.org

• Help Guide: https://www.helpguide.org

• Holistic Physiologist: https://theholisticpsychologist.com

• Honey Badger Radio: https://www.youtube.com/c/honeybadgerradio

• Laughing at Narcs: https://laughingatnarcs.com

• Men Get Help: New York, Erie County: https://suicidepreventionecny.org/men-get-help/

• Men Supporting Men Facebook Group: https://m.facebook.com/MenSupportingMen/

• Men’s Advice Line: https://www.facebook.com/Mens-Advice-Line-2056348747947181/

• Men’s Group: https://mensgroup.com/

• Men’s Rights Group on Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/

• MenSpeak Men’s Online Groups: https://mensgroups.co.uk

• National center for domestic violence: http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org

• Parental Alienation UK Support Group: https://parentalalienationuk.info

• Rainn.org: https://www.rainn.org

• Rainn: https://www.rainn.org

• Reddit: Men’s Rights: https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/

• Reddit: Support for the accused: https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportForTheAccused/

• Reddit: Transgender UK: https://www.reddit.com/r/transgenderUK/

• Roda de Conversa (Conversation Wheel): https://m.facebook.com/Roda-de-Conversa-138483890105493/?__tn__=%2Cg

• Shrink 4 Men: https://shrink4men.com

• SOS PAPA Quebec: https://www.facebook.com/SOS-PAPA-Québec-455624811179352/

• Stand up Black Men Support Group: https://www.facebook.com/Standupblackman/

• Stand Up Placer: https://www.facebook.com/StandUpPlacer/

• Surviving Narcissism YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/SurvivingNarcissism

• Survivors UK: https://www.survivorsuk.org

• The Pixel Project: https://www.thepixelproject.net